My entire adult life I have felt inadequate. I think as humans we do. I constantly compare myself to others and am always searching for what needs improvement in my life.I judged myself when I was overweight.... so I lost weight.
I had a great job at the credit union, working for great people, but even then I was always asking myself if that was my "dream career"
Before having Andrea I always felt judged for not having children. Just when Ryan and I decided to create a life without a child the Lord stepped in and sent our daughter.
Having a baby brought on a whole lot of change at once. Less income, less adult interaction, more weight to lose, and the pressure of being the perfect house wife.
I felt that when Ryan got home the house should be spotless, Andrea should be fed and clean, and dinner should be on the table. These were all my expectations (and society's) and not Ryan's.
I stressed myself out with trying to find playmates for Andrea. This never worked out, I felt I wasn't really accepted into the "housewife" or "Mormon Mommy" world and had a lot of trouble making new friends after so many years loving my co-workers. Luckily I was able to tend a couple of days a week which at the time I did for Andrea, but I have grown to really love these kids! Andrea and I both look forward to the days Bracken and Leah come to play. I get to enjoy being a Mommy of 3 two days a week!
It's been a couple of years now that I have been forced into this housewife/daycare/Mommy world full time and I think I've finally adjusted to our routine and lifestyle. I've realized recently that if I stop putting so much pressure on myself to be perfect I can be truly happy!
Yesterday as Andrea and I finished grocery shopping and were in the drive up line to get our traditional Happy Meal I realized just how lucky I am. Ryan works so hard so we can have our everyday routine and loves me no matter how clean our house is or how thin I am.
I've realized that I love baking cookies with Andrea much more than I care being a single digit dress size! I've realized I love successfully grocery shopping with 4 dollars of my budget. I love tending two sweet kids who have accepted Andrea and I as part of their life! I love my calling in church and look forward to going. I love our home, dependable cars and really don't have a worry in the world. Well accept for finances but that's a worry for everyone, right? Hopefully I can keep this mind frame for a while, or if not I can look back on this post and remember to be happy with my situation!
4 comments:
I'm so glad you're so happy! And you look awesome.
John totally pressures me to be a better cleaner, but I seriously don't have the time to keep our big ass house as clean as he wants it- and when I DO have a little time, I need that time to myself. Else I shall go psycho.
So I hand him a rag and a can of duster and tell him to get on it. I'm such a bad wife. Ha.
Kristy- I just want to thank you for being a part of my children's lives. There is nothing better than to know that my children are being so well taken care of and another mommy is in their life that loves them like I do. Like I always so we are so lucky to have you and Andrea be a part of our lives. Thanks!
Kristy, you're just awesome. Thanks for the reminder that we should be happy as we are, and not always wanting something "bigger and better."
HIPP HIPP HORRAY! WE SHOULD HAVE THIS CONVO AT LEAST EVERY OTHER DAY. I ALWAYS NEED A REMINDER TO BE HAPPY RIGHT WHERE I AM AT. I HAVE IT SO GOOD AND SOME PEOPLE DON'T. HEY AND I AM ALWAYS GOOD FOR A PLAY DAY SO COME OVER ANY TIME
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