Hello, it's Me

I often get depressed when I blog hop, everyone's life seems so perfect. Then I realize that my life probably comes off the same way. Most blogs are all about holidays, birthdays, vacations, and cute babies. My friend Kristi and I were discussing this one day at lunch and I was inspired to open up a little more. I use this blog as a journal and one day hope Andrea will appreciate the few things I wrote about. But I also want her to know that our life wasn't perfect, so I'm hoping to become a little more realistic.
First confession... depression. Being a stay-at-home Mom is so difficult emotionally. I know it's just a small moment in time, and I know it's best for Andrea, and that is why I do it but it would be so much easier to send her to a day care while I get paid and get some adult interaction. It's surprising when I talk with other stay-at-home Mothers and hear how many of them are on anti-depressants. I've been there, and don't want to do that again, so I guess the result is a lot of days that leave me crying at the drop of a hat. After a year of staying home full time, these day are getting farther in between and I'm adjusting to our routine and lifestyle. I think the cause for my depression is the feeling that I am a nobody. Most days no one calls me, no one even sees me. If it weren't for facebook I would feel even more alone. While working I talked with countless co-workers and felt like the job I did was important and necessary, now all the sudden the world keeps turning without me.

Andrea and I have a great relationship, we laugh together, we clean together, we cook together, we understand each other. When I do have those "breakdown" moments she come and gives me a kiss and says "are you happy again?", what can I do but say "of course that makes Mommy happy again!" so the plus of staying at home is to have a close relationship with my daughter. I can't wait til we can go shopping together, to the movies, on vacations...

My entire life growing up I dreamed of being a stay-at-home Mom and all my friends in High School know that I wanted to be a "walking, talking, baby factory". Now that it's all come to reality my dreams have changed. I really can see the benefits of an only child and right now without insurance it really does look like the way to go. So there you have it, a little bit of our real world, as a preview to more down to earth post yet to come.